The Story of Ann part two

 After explaining all that Ann could do with her husband, she felt educated enough to talk to him on her own.  I told her to use "I" sentences and to be calm and make her point without making him feel like she was attacking him.  She needed to politely point out how he made her feel when he changed how he treated her, once married he was a different person.  She called it Jekyll & Hyde, and it made her feel as if she had made a huge mistake.  Their honeymoon had been magical and now it seemed like someone had ripped the rug out from under her.  She questioned had he always been this way and I chose to overlook it?  She loves her husband and wanted to give it a chance to see if they could get through whatever it is.

I received a call from her over the weekend and she sounded despondent not this happy go lucky woman I had spoken to days before.  She kept telling me how she tried hard to be calm and think of his feelings, but in the end he just brushed it off as she was the controlling one.  All was blamed on her and she had no idea how bad the situation was till that talk.  He even accused her about talking to someone professional and that if she was she better not speak to them again.  She was dismayed that he reacted the way he did.  She felt like it was all her fault and that maybe she should not speak to me again.  I of course told her that she has every right to talk to whomever she wants and to not let someone take away your rights.  I am not a counselor, but from my experience there are certain things you figure out and make you wiser so I didn't want her to succumb to his controlling behavior.

The lesson here is she a bright young woman with a great career ahead of her, comes from a well to do family and has both her parents with no history of abuse of any kind.  She's always been a leader and straight A student.  Not your typical abuse victim like so many stereotype them to be.

I will continue Ann's story in a few days, in the meantime will y'all comment and let me know what you think good or bad about her story.  Do you feel she is handling this the right way?  Would you do it differently? 

If you missed the first part here's the link:  http://fivestarsurvivor.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-story-of-ann-part-one.html

Going Purple!!

Hi everyone I'm asking you to get involved in making the world purple for domestic violence awareness!! Please view my video and join me in purple unity!

Red Flag Wednesday

Always be aware of who you are interested in or starting to date, check for red flags and let family know where you are just in case. Familiarize yourself with your local corrections facility website and know how to look up who you are talking to. Here is the definition of domestic violence again so that when you do see what they are arrested for you understand even a misdemeanor is something to be concerned about. I'm not condemning someone who has gone to jail I am simply educating you on how to find their mugshot if they have one. Also you can look at public records to find their arrest information as well.   Educate yourself so you're not a victim!!

Domestic violence" means any assault, aggravated assault, battery, aggravated battery, sexual assault, sexual battery, stalking, aggravated stalking, kidnapping, false imprisonment, or any criminal offense resulting in physical injury or death of one family or household member by another family or household member.

When someone moves really fast with you, like a whirl wind romance they don't want you to know who they really are (not all but most).

 Some red flags are:

1. Wants to know where you are at all times of the day (texts, calls, social media)
They are taking up your time which may make you feel like they care and are being protective, but if you feel that it's too much then it's too much.

2. Getting upset with you for the smallest thing, or blaming you for something that has nothing to do with you.

3. Controlling your thoughts... by this I mean putting it in your head and as it ruminates it now becomes your thoughts. Could be self-doubt, or something else.

4. Funny about money and isn't willing to compromise to anything. It's their way or no way!

5. Family is a huge priority, but only their family. It's one sided. Eventually you might not see your family.

6. You don't have to be physically abused to be abused, the mental and emotional can be done abusively by withholding affection, not talking to you and ultimately is punishing you.

From the victims that I've spoken with these are the top red flags that always come up in conversation.  I hope if anything it helps someone to do a gut check. 
 

The Story of Ann part one

Last night I received a phone call from someone who needed help with getting out. I sat there holding the phone listening to a sad story that I knew how tragic it could end. They've been married six months and all was good till they said I do. He changed when they were on their honeymoon, his expectations became clear. He started telling her all the things that were WRONG with her and that she had to change. No more talking to her family he didn't care for them, and now he is her husband. When she got dressed for dinner he pitched an absolute fit because he didn't like what she was wearing. He said they needed to start a family right away and she was to stop taking her birth control. She is still pursuing her education and was wanting to wait a few more years to have a family. I have advised her to try to sit down with him and talk about why he was feeling this way. I also told her to stand firm with how she feels as well. Stay tuned for more...